Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
