we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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