You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
