My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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