I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
