cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
