I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
