Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
