He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
