I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
