Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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