I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
