It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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