Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
