It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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