dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
