I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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