I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
