if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize