Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
