I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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