i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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