You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
