just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
