Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
