I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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