I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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