The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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