He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
