Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im on a boat
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