she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
