she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
