So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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