I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
