i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drunk is not a location!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
