I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
