; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
