I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
