You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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