you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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