just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
