I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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