I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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