i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
