My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
