u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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