I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
