I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
