actually, I'm a sock model
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
