Your dad touched me again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
