don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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