Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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