I wanna passion pit in your ass
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
