and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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