Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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