doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
