I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
