just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize