in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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