your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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