"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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