omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
