I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
