My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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