Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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