Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
