Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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