dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
