It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
