Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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